My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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