does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just blew my weed a kiss
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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