You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
pray to the hookup gods
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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