Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
