Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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