I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize