this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
