we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
