Christians are straight up FREAKS
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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