So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
