Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
not ubering you a puppy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
