if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
