...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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