woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Dignity is for republicans.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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