; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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