i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
