Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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