I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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