i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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