OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
