My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
