he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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