so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
