i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
