i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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