Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
