Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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