We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
