Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
