I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
