You can't motorboat a personality
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
