Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
