Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
