Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
