I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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