everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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