I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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