How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
