Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize