When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
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I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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