Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
whose parrot is this?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
