Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
