I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
