all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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