YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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