I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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