I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
