my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
