During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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