Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
