I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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