the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
my liver is dry heaving
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
