oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
