my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
