Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
