Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
