when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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