gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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