A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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