PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
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I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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