Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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