ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
