also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
