I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
