Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
