I just saw a hot homeless man
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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