I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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