8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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