Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
is it fun? or sober?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
