if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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