In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
